Because of problems with my wrists that made me unable to draw, or do all the other things I enjoy doing in life without pain, and problems with my legs and other parts of my body that also lowered my quality of life by making it painful to walk and stand up for too long, I have coped by essentially killing myself by overeating a lot over the past 7 years.

It’s not a conscious decision mind you, but I just simply went for food when I had nothing better to do. Technically I had better things to do, but I couldn’t do them without pain and without damaging my wrists or legs even more, so eating food while watching videos it was.

And now, I’m really feeling it, sitting here with a blood pressure reading of 190/119, trying to relax to get it to go back down again.

They say that your internal organs can be damaged by blood pressure this high, including your kidneys and brain, and honestly, I think that already happened. It’s either that or the brain fog is caused by covid, which I happened to contract around the same time as my health was really starting to decline, maybe it’s a mix of both.

When coming up with scenarios for comics or games I always had a little movie with my characters as actors playing in my head. Back then you could sit me down in an empty room and I would not get bored because I could just entertain myself with my mind theater, but nowadays these images in my head are like a degraded VHS with opacity set to 20% rather than the HD quality they used to be. This alone makes it difficult to care about my life… It’s like a part of my soul already died.

At this point my life is fucked and likely impossible to unfuck, due too many factors such as permanent damage to my body and mind, mental problems, financial problems, lack of mobility, doctors hating me and not taking me seriously for some reason, among other things.

So, if you’ve been asking yourself where I’ve been, there you go.