Situation Update

A few months ago I talked about how I was in a mental hospital for a while and that right after I got out there was a fire in the House I lived in.

Now, I’m still dealing with the insurance to be able to replace my stuff, but some nice readers stepped up and donated money. Thanks to this, I was able to get the essentials already, like a new bed and some clothes. Otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to afford anything, because right before all this happened, I spent all of my savings to purchase a Dell Canvas pen display. I didn’t even get to really use it yet with all that’s been going on. Luckily it did survive the fire, because it has no vents for cooling or anything, so none of that corrosive smoke was able to get into it. Good thing I didn’t get that Wacom with it’s vents and cooling fan eh?

A lot of you sent me nice messages, donations, and someone sent me some of his old computer parts to get me back up and running. Some people also offered to help with the comic in a collaborative manner.

I haven’t responded to almost any of you and I’m sorry.

I guess you guys can tell by now that I got some mental problems. Dealing with other people in any way is difficult for me. For example: I spent more than two months drafting up just the one letter to the insurance company, most of that time I was sitting there panicking about nothing. Ideally I’d just live in the woods all by myself somewhere, because I’m really starting to realize that I’m not made for living in a society… but that’s not very realistic. So, when I don’t respond to your messages, this is why. It’s not that I haven’t read them, it’s that communicating with people is just super stressful for me.

Anyway, I’ll probably be able to move into my apartment again in a few weeks, there’s still some gaping holes there from the removal of burnt pipes and insulation that need to be filled in, but other than that it’s just about moving stuff back in and refurnishing.

After that I’ll be able to tell you what I have in mind for continuing AHS.

That’s all for now!


A sign of life.


I drew this in the hospital while it was still quite a bit warmer outside…

Anyway, here’s a bit of an update for people who want to know.

This has been the worst year of my life, which had previously been the year before, and so on. Things just aren’t ever getting better for me, but I guess that’s entropy for you. I didn’t wanna talk about it, but what the hell.

I was in a mental hospital because I had given up on life.

I have these injuries that won’t heal, drawing was the only thing in my life that I had left, but I can’t even do that without pain now. My father died earlier in the year and that has affected me more than I thought it would. So I spiraled deeper into depression and eventually ended up in the mental hospital, where I stayed for a month.

… A few days after I got home and I was feeling ever so slightly better… there was a fire.

My neighbor who lived below me is dead and I lost most of my stuff due to smoke contamination. Did you know this toxic soot that comes from house-fires is electrically conductive? So my computer and other electric appliances are also gone now. The only thing I didn’t need to throw out was a desk and some other stuff…

I had a phone-call with the insurance provider for the person who caused the fire and it was the most miserable phone conversation I ever had. I can already tell they will make things as hard as possible for me, even though I just want some money, so I can buy a new bed, a washing machine, a few computer parts and some clothes. Even if I don’t get the money I would be entitled to, I just want to have at least some stuff in my apartment…

So yeah… That’s the situation so far.

Where do I go from here?

If you look at my patreon earnings per page it looks pretty nice right? But if you think about it it’s actually insane.

I can’t update AHS a lot and I’m pretty sure the majority of readers abandon my comic because of it… but despite this, I still got a good number of patrons.

Now imagine how many patrons I’d have if I wasn’t a complete wreck?

This should be motivating as hell right? I could make this my job!!!

In reality it turned out the be the carrot on a stick dangling in front of my face that I will never reach. Hope is cruel.

Next year is the date I wanted to have finished AHS and moved on to the next project, instead I’m not even 1/8th of the way there. And given my ever deteriorating health, I will never get there.

So, I won’t be able to finish AHS and I’ll take all the other ideas I had to my grave? What’s even the point in going on?

Someone suggested writing instead of doing a comic. No fuck that. I’m a visual person and I can’t write to save my life. There’s webcomics I stopped following because they switched to mostly text. It’d be kinda hypocritical for me to do the same. Something like a visual novel mayyybe, but I’d rather make something like a turn based rpg, but who knows how long something like that would take me…

Some suggest working with another artist. I did actually try that once, but it ended in tears. I’m not cut out for working with people honestly. The subject matter of my stuff is another thing, people might work with me now, but they don’t know what the story has in store… And then there’s a matter of payment, If i worked with someone I’d want the art to be on par with mine and of course I’d pay for that. But my financial situation is so dire, I don’t even have money for the last week of each month.

So, if I only have one comic in me (if that), do I really want it to be AHS, a comic I have many regrets about? If so, do I completely remake chapter 1 and some of chapter 2 in order to try and make it work? Or If I’m remaking chapter 1 anyway, change the whole thing to take it in a direction I’m more interested in? Or just make something entirely different? But what’s the point if I don’t finish that either?

Maybe I should make a lewd image patreon for the time being.

I don’t know… these are just the ramblings of someone trying to cling to a life that’s probably over at this point.