Therapy Session 1

I wrote a bit about my depression and other medical issues before, but I don’t think I’ve ever felt as bad as I do now. It’s gotten to the point where I feel like I’ll never be able to lead a happy life, that everything I’m doing is futile.

The only positive thing about my life is the comics I’m drawing and that’s it. But… those comics aren’t doing so well either, my inability to update them reliably is really taking it’s toll on me.

I started AHS to get some practice with comics, be done with it in a few years and move on to the next project. So much for that pipe-dream, because now I feel like I wont even finish AHS in my lifetime, let alone the other comics I wanted to do. I can’t just ignore this anymore like I could a few years ago, when I didn’t have as much to worry about. It fucking kills me that after all this time I’m still not at any of the remotely exciting parts of AHS. The pacing of my comics totally werks guise.

So, in order to try and preserve the only good thing I have left in this miserable existence, I’m going to take a step back for a while and take a hiatus from the comic to re-examine things.
(Kinda shooting myself in the foot a bit because no more Patreon funds during the hiatus, but I feel it’s necessary.)

I’ll need to focus not just on improving my art, but on working more quickly. If the pain in my arm is here to stay, I’ll have to find a way to be more efficient with it at least.

And while I’m practicing, maybe draw a few things I’ve always wanted to, to hopefully cheer me up a bit. Like this one:

Session 1: Some demons I guess?

Demons consume humans and absorb their life force. They also have a complete disregard for human life and are incredibly cruel, never trust them! Though they don’t normally have sentient tails.
I want so badly to be at the point in the story where these guys start appearing, but you know…

So, did this feel good drawing make me feel better? Did this “therapy session” work out?

I came down with the flu while drawing it, so no.
Good night.

15 comments

I don’t even know.

argonianmina

Slowly starting to get back into drawing, to see how my wrist handles it. The answer is: not very well. Even after a relatively long break it doesn’t feel like the pain got any better. It really seems like I’ll just have to deal with it at this point.

There’s still that appointment I have at a specialist doctor, maybe that might help? I dunno…

As for the drawing… I wanted to draw my Argonian character from Skyrim and I wanted to draw Mina, while experimenting a bit with a digital watercolor look. The resulting Image doesn’t make much sense, but whatever!

That sketchy watercolor look is something I want to use for IFF in the future. It could save some time, because the way I’ve been doing IFF so far just doesn’t lend itself well to ever finishing it.

Regarding AHS: I’ll probably try finishing the new banner first, before getting back to drawing comics.
There might be something to be said about taking an even longer break. Tendon injuries and stuff like that take a long time to heal after all.

Anyway, just wanted to post something and let everyone know I’m still alive. Hi. Hello.

6 comments

Drawing is no fun like this.

Most of you probably already know that I’m having problems with my wrist.
It almost feels like my arm is slowly turning into a gnarled piece of wood.

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome + Tendinitis = Ow.

Here’s what I’ve been doing so far:

I slowed down my comic making in order to let my wrist recover.
I didn’t work on IFF at all, because that comic makes my hand curl up into a ball of pain just from thinking about it. :c
I got a wrist brace.
I’m taking some Vitamin Bs as a helpful reader suggested.
I try using my left hand for more menial tasks.

All of this helped somewhat, but it seems that as soon as I do anything, the pain returns.

A few weeks ago I started exercising again, did some weightlifting and the pain was back in full force.
I didn’t even use heavy weights or anything, so why is this happening?

Turns out I have a thing called Hypermobility.
Hyper flexible joints can have different causes, but one of them is “A Type 1 collagen or other connective tissue defect”.
In other words: My ligaments, muscles, tendons etc. are softer than normal and thus more prone to damage.
This means heavy physical activity is bad, but so are lot’s of small repetitive motions… You know… like drawing.
I’m not going to stop drawing though! I’d rather kill myself.

I really haven’t been doing well recently, because it’s getting more and more clear to me that this probably isn’t something that’s going to get better. I’ll just have to learn to deal with it somehow.

Thinking about things:

Taking a real break.
I’ve been taking breaks on and off for some time now, but even when I am not drawing comics, I couldn’t really avoid using my hand for other work.
Gotta avoid using that hand somehow, if I take another break.
A more ergonomic workspace.
You can see my current workspace here.
Being hunched over that tablet all the time is probably not the best for me.
I’m still debating on saving up for a Cintiq or something similar, but cheaper. However, a part of me feels like I might not like it because it could actually be too big for my taste.
Be less of a perfectionist.
The thing with digital art is that it makes it possible to be a perfectionist.
Unlimited undos, erasing doesn’t damage your paper, ability to zoom in, etc. I’ve spent much longer on each individual page since I switched to digital.
Being a perfectionist seems like a bad idea if you’re not perfect. I wouldn’t even consider myself a good artist, but spending hours just refining stuff masks some of my shortcomings at the expense of my wrist.
I might have to lower my standards a bit to a more realistic level, especially considering my condition. I do want to finish this comic, as well as some others, within my lifetime. 😐

That’s all I can think of right now, if you have any suggestions, leave a comment.

12 comments

Let’s talk about Patreon!

So, Patreon is this relatively new crowdfunding website. Think Kickstarter, but for content creators instead of projects.
A perpetual Kickstarter, if you will. Or a more direct form of donating.
It works like this: You support content creators by pledging a small amount of money (0.50$, 1$, 3$, etc.) per content update. In this case that would be every time I update AHS, whatever that’s worth to you.

Patrons can specify monthly spending limits, in case they’re worried someone suddenly uploads millions of pages all at once. It’s all based on goodwill!

Patrons would then receive exclusive rewards for pledging, depending on their pledge level, in a facebook-like timeline.
That’s one thing I’m still thinking about… What should those incentives / rewards be? Sketches? Wallpapers? Ebooks? What do you think?

Keep in mind that the main reason I want to do this is to be able to focus more on making the comic. Creating elaborate rewards will take time away from comic making…
Also, I don’t want to put anything important behind a paywall, and if I do, I still want to release it to everyone eventually.
Another big reason I want to do this: To be free of advertising.
Right now I got some PW ads running. I like them since they are pretty unobtrusive, but they don’t really bring in any money.
Eventually I would have to put Google ads on my site, or join a collective.
The problem with that is that they have pretty strict content guidelines.

Basically I would have to censor myself in order to join such a collective. There are places I want to take AHS (and possibly other comics I want to make) that advertisers will not agree with. Like nudity, violence, etc.

Now, I could tone it down…
But if this Patreon stuff works out I could just go: “I’m not beholden to advertisers! I can do whatever the fuck I want!”
Then I won’t have to compromise my ‘*+*~Artistic~Vision~*+*’
Lastly, what about the other comics I make?

Since Patreon is about funding the content creator, not a specific project, creating multiple Patreon pages wouldn’t make much sense.
Should I charge for each comic page I produce, whatever comic it may be? Or should I just keep it limited to AHS?

So, what do you guys think? Would you use Patreon? Would you only want to pay for AHS, or any comic I produce?
What would you like to see in terms of reward tiers?

This is what my preliminary Patreon page looks like right now:

patreon wip

I don’t know guys… It might need more work.

Oh and just to be perfectly clear: AHS will remain free forever.
This is just a neat way to support the creator and get some small rewards for it!

11 comments

Alien Hand Syndrome

This comic may not contain any actual aliens.

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